I have always been an avid planner. I went from organising events to structuring my personal life. I planned religiously to predict possible outcomes and, most importantly, minimise the disappointment from external forces, i.e., other people. I felt planning was needed to control what was happening around me. Growing up, I have experienced situations out of my control that has profoundly affected me even to this day. So I guess I used planning extensively to cope and prevent any further disappointments.

I did 5 and 10-year plans with yearly sub-plans. I was planning my life away without really enjoying the journey. I found myself being sad daily but have that glimpse of happiness when I completed a task. Having spent so much time planning, I find it so hard to make that switch, so I stay in my comfort zone. Although staying in my lane was easy, I felt this wasn’t the way my life should be heading, and I was straying from my purpose. So after lots of thought, I forced myself to be super uncomfortable in my space. I focused on embracing the little things that would make me happy without being reckless and inconsiderate to others.

In embracing this journey, I went out and made friends, which got me invited to a wedding. I didn’t know anyone besides the person I was with, but I did it anyway. I put myself in a highly uncomfortable situation as many people know I like being in my own space. I stayed off my phone for 90% of the event and was sociable. I took it a step further to dance even when I thought about what people might think of me.

I really enjoyed the experience, it was different, and I pushed myself to try something new. I allowed myself to breathe after bombarding myself with so many unrealistic expectations. Even though it feels uncomfortable for me now, I will continue to embrace scenarios so that I can start smiling through my journey and at my checkpoints. I now view fear as an opportunity to grow, not a point where I must stop and over-analyse.