Last July, I was simultaneously f%*ked over in my professional and personal life. It was a complete shock as things were going so well, and I was in a place where my projected path would put me in a position of comfort while I got ready for my new journey.

When it happened, I was in shock for a week because I was trying to wrap my head around the situation. My brain was trying to cope with my new circumstances while holding on to my previous existence. My first thought was, “this has to be a joke” then I went through all the different scenarios in my head. I was encountering a loop of the five stages of grief. A week later, after having my counselling session, I had a moment of clarity. I decided to cut ties from my professional situation completely.

My personal one is not that easy as there were so many elements to consider. I still was undecided, I was still in a state of confusion, and I ended up making a decision based on fear. Even though I prayed to overcome the feeling of soul-numbing fear, I did it because I convinced myself I wasn’t ready. I regretted my choice, and knowing this wasn’t a simple fix made me depressed. There was a sense of emptiness knowing I would not experience this version of my life.

After this, it hit me that part of being an adult is making difficult decisions based on your current situation. You can seek advice from others, but there is a level of self-accountability that comes with the decision. While others may assist in getting you in that situation, only you can decide the course you want to take in life. The consequences stemming from any difficult decision solely fall on your shoulders, and that’s some heavy stuff to deal with when the mentorship regarding adulthood has been lacking.

Now that some time has passed, I am coming to grips with my decision. I have understood the importance of being grounded in my values and being accountable to myself. Having close friends is great, but at that point in my life, I needed to isolate myself and do introspections to determine my path. No matter how much I tried to be kind and heal from my trauma, the world will not give me a pass. The growth I want in life requires some emotionally painful transition, and grief happens in waves, but life still goes on.